Turn it upside down and it has an uncanny resemblance to Donald Trump, who has not (that we are aware of) been floating around the oceans for 500 million years, even though many of his utterances might lead one to think so.

Stallone?

That, and his adventures cover a fascinating, yet little known, era of European History.

Sounds like “The House of Niccolo” series by Dorothy Dunnett, IRL.

I agree that this sucked.
It suffers from a fundamental problem that no amount of great writing (which it didn’t have) or great acting (which it didn’t have) or great special effects (which it didn’t have) or fanboy slavish devotion (which from some of the comments, it might have a smattering of), can resolve.

This has been a formula for a long while.
You forgot some:

Not everyone, though, is as cock sure of the science regarding plastics as you are.

Could be Angela from Marvel nee Icon, or Witchblade, or Red Sonya (some iterations, anyway). Not enough there to be really categorized.

As mentioned, the balls will break down (being plasticky and all), eventually.
My wager is that eventually will be sooner rather than later. My conjure is that drinking water in which plastic has been decomposing is going to be a less-than-salubrious experience.
Did I not read somewhere that consuming plastics is, you…

“It’s like shagging someone for the first time. Sometimes it turns out to be amazing. Mostly you’re trying to get each other’s rhythm going. It’s on the next go that you start to expand. That’s why I do it. That and the money!”

So, he shags people for money and uses the rhythm method?
Fellow had better be up to date on…

Great Freaking Golgafrincham!
The choices are all horrendous.
Can we not stop anthropomorphizing the space junk? I mean, it’s all just star boogers anyway, so let’s just call them by their star and position (ala Trek).
Tau-3, Alpha Centauri-B-4, Betelgeuse-9 ... I’d hit it.

For the jack.

May I file a formal rest, Mr. Whitbrook, that you and your colleagues (including Mr. Bricken), retire the adjectival neologism, “badass” for a while?
I have personally seen movie heroines, cartoon creatures, weapons, pictures in general, scenery, clips, and attitudes all described as “badass” this morning, and it is…

May I file a formal rest, Mr. Bricken, that you and your colleagues retire the adjectival neologism, “badass” for a while?
I have personally seen movie heroines, cartoon creatures, weapons, pictures in general, scenery, clips, and attitudes all described as “badass” this morning, and it is becoming not only…

It seems to be a mandatory cautionary label from the Royal Surgeon ... something like:

“Warning: Excessive Use May Lead to Injury or Death. Please Hack Responsibly.”

Mt. Barnacle

Nice MST3K reference. Thank you.

Uwe Boll?