Okay, so by this definition of crime: If your relatives or neighbors steal your life savings or burn your house down, it’s not as bad as if a complete stranger does those things.

Trump’s entire career has been based on spite. Why would anyone expect that to change now?

I still use it occasionally, and it suits me fine, especially since it’s biodegradable. The problem with all skin scrubs is that it feels really, really good to rub them on your face hard enough to sand down small wooden objects, and only later do you pay for the experience. Moderation is extremely important when…

I absolutely think that tweets should be editable. It’s infuriating to realize you’ve just posted a typo, and pain in the ass to copy and repaste it. I’d use Twitter a lot more if it had that feature.

I absolutely think that tweets should be editable. It’s infuriating to realize you’ve just posted a typo, and pain in the ass to copy and repaste it. I’d use Twitter a lot more if it had that feature.

Relaxers are not for amateurs. As a person of the Caucasian persuasion with a headful of cowlicks, I once tried an allegedly “gentle” over-the-counter relaxer and wound up with pieces of hair breaking off for the next three months. After that, I had it done professionally, which worked much better. Finally got sick of…

One of the best parts of the whole show is watching the musical honorees’ faces light up while other celebrities perform their most famous works.

I’d also suggest the following:

For some reason, the one that made me laugh loudest was the egg dye tablet in the nostril.

I really don’t understand people like Coyote Peterson who are determined to get themselves painfully envenomated by stinging insects. What’s the point? Why not just plant his hand on a hot stove? Or smack himself in the ankle full force with a croquet mallet?

There’s a really entertaining website that showcases ugly, weird, or “Holy, hell, why did you ever do that?” food:

It can be difficult if you’re middle-aged or older.

I like most wines and most cheeses, but for some reason I just can’t stand the tastes of any wine and any cheese together. I’d rather have a cup of tea with my cheese.

Donald Trump is considering abolishing the Office of the Director of National Intelligence....

Why is it that assholes can’t spell?

I wonder if this was one source of the infamous “candle salad” or “flagpole salad” that kept — er, popping up in 1960s cookbooks.

Whenever Trump uses the term “unfair”, it makes me feel sick. As far as Orange Julius Caesar is concerned, unfairness is defined as any act that doesn’t include licking his gold-plated boots.

I don’t have a problem with crude comedy in general, nor with entertainment that leans either left or right, but if I were an Adult Swim executive, I’d certainly draw the line at swastikas and other “coded racist messages”. Adult Swim isn’t constitutionally required to be a megaphone for obnoxious bigots.

There’s an important piece of information missing from the above. No candidate in any of our lifetimes — Republican, Democratic, or third-party — has ever done these things in public while campaigning for a party nomination or the Presidency:

I don’t think Trump has ever given a minute of thought to anything he’s ever either promoted or opposed in public. Building a border wall? Nope. Registering Muslims? Nope. Repealing the ACA or ending NAFTA? Nope. He doesn’t read, doesn’t consider anything in depth, and doesn’t care whether he even understands the…