Oh, gawd, Bill. Just. Fuck. Off. Already.

As I understand it, Francis didn't have a prior criminal record for sexually abusing children — but Harris had already fired him for being incompetent and irresponsible. Which is kind of like "Wow, I didn't think this guy was going to kill my kid. I thought he was just going to drive drunk with my kid in the car."

Am I getting this right? This jerk's excuse is "Oh, I didn't know I was giving my already-traumatized kid away to a child abuser — I just thought I was giving my already-traumatized kid away to someone who was merely incompetent at working with children"? It reminds me of Ted Haggard's claim that his entanglement with…

OMG, that made me laugh and cry at the same time. I lost my mom very recently, and she LOVED garlic. As a kid I preferred her aglio e olio (she usually added broccoli!) to burgers and fries. She would have loved that story on so many levels.

Wow, that happened to me in a workplace once — right in front of the main office of a professional school at a major university. Came down the stairs wearing heels and a skirt, slipped as if I'd stepped on an invisible banana peel, and fell on my ass. I was something lke the third casualty of the morning; It turned…

Until I was over 50, I couldn't stand mayo except in tuna salad. But now I mix it with mustard and either dill relish or capers as a quick tartar-sauce-like condiment for seafood. I also mix it with ketchup for dipping fries or burgers. Maybe I picked up the habit on a car trip out west; I think they call the mixture…

I'm an agnostic/atheist with a live-and-let-live worldview, and I think this is one of the reasons why religion per se doesn't bother me, but a belief in prophecy does. I know that the relationship between the two is complicated — most major religions have a tradition of honoring and following people who were…

The thing that shocked me: People all over the U.S. were going batshit crazy about Ebola, to the point of cruelly shunning West Africa-born immigrants who hadn't set foot on the continent in years. The Ebola scare was erupting through every newspaper and website headline on the planet. And at the same time, a hospital…

Didn't see it, but it sounds hilarious. I'll have to track it down on YouTube.

This is a part of the human psyche that I won't understand even if I live to be two hundred years old. What is it that convinces presumably sane people to believe the shit peddled by the likes of Barnard? Every time some asshole convinces people to follow him far from home, give him all of their possessions, and then…

Well, at least your brothers are Monty Python fans, which is a point in their favor! (Please don't hit me!) :-)

I know it's a bad idea to wear an all- or mostly-white dress to someone else's wedding, but a short white dress with big black polka dots doesn't sound like it would remotely resemble a wedding gown at all.

Why the fuck would anyone put that shit into a budget proposal unless he was a raving sociopath? The actual cost of enforcing such a requirement is probably minimal. And whether or not university employees are mandated reporters of sexual assault, any employee who helped cover up a sexual assault is likely to expose…

I'd think that if a newborn were abducted from a home or hospital, it would very quickly become a police matter, and those responsible for a safe haven would cooperate with authorities if a suspected abductee turned up there. If, instead, the concern is that someone would volunteer at a safe haven in order to abduct a…

There are several different coconut products that are sold as coconut milk — one is a lighter nut milk that's much like the almond or soy varieties, and usually comes in cartons. Another, which usually comes in cans, is more of a coconut cream that's extremely rich and is usually used for cooking — for example, in…

I'm not a runner, but I have lots of first-hand experience with glycerin suppositories, and I second the advice against using them when you can't quickly get to a bathroom. It's for a slightly different reason, though. Because they draw fluid into the colon, they can also bring on a brief bout of diarrhea later — and…

Let me see if I have this right. I could stalk a public figure, spread vicious rumors about that person, threaten to kill or sexually assault him or her, and try to harass and intimidate this person out of a career or a public presence. I could do all of this without the slightest indication that it wasn't real, and…

I made the mistake of ordering an iced coffee at McDonald's last summer. Naively, I thought they'd pour chilled brewed coffee over ice, and then steer me towards the cream and sugar. Instead, of course, I was handed a plastic vat containing a shot or two of very bad espresso, about a half-cup of milk, and a pound or…

Ick. Mixed drinks made with diet sodas taste awful. So not only do you get lots of empty calories from the alcohol, but it tastes like a high school chemistry lab accident.

Well, some real grasshoppers are brown, so why not brown creme de cacao and white creme de menthe?