Could be worse. They could be slow-dancing to "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"!

... hehehehehe ... But I have my bad points, too!

Yup, that's bizarre. I've never been in a steakhouse that didn't serve other kinds of food. (I'm the weirdo in the party who doesn't care for steak and always orders chicken, seafood, or a hamburger.)

I'm old enough to remember when St. Joseph's orange-flavored chewable baby aspirin was routinely given to kids. I hated the taste of it so much that I learned to swallow real aspirin tablets as soon as I was old enough to be dosed with a whole one. To me, Mountain Dew has that exact same sickly flavor. Red Bull has a…

I do! I do!

Naaaaaahhhhh. Menopause brain can make one a bit foggy, but that's not ordinary fog in Sarah Palin's brain. That's pea soup plus smog plus oobleck.

Sounds like those people who become infatuated with incarcerated criminals (often without ever having met them), strike up correspondences, and sometimes attempt to marry them.

Lemme guess. They took a typical Cosmo sex suggestion, like maybe "Stick a chocolate-covered frozen banana in his ear. It'll drive him wild." And the new version reads "Stick a chocolate-covered frozen banana in her ear. It'll drive her wild."

This makes me happy that I was already middle-aged and married before instant dick selfies were technologically feasible. I mean, whatever floats the boats of actual, consensual sex partners is their own business. But I can't understand why anyone over age 12 would find it entertaining to send an unsolicited image of…

You scooped me on this one! I always buy the vegetarian kind. It goes with any kind of meat, poultry, or fish as well as with vegetables. And if you're an omnivore who sometimes cooks for vegetarians, you're already covered.

As someone who is childfree by choice and will turn 70 in a little over 12 years, I usually turn that question around and think of the lives of older people I know who do have kids. There was my aunt, who was a terrific mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother by that age, and whose extended family was both a joy…

That extended family is replete with potential heirs whether or not the Cambridges ever have another. There are already enough spares to fill at least one clown car.

For real. "Joking" about raping their server? They were lucky that cake frosting and hot peppers in their food were the worst consequences they faced that night.

I would, in general, expect the employer to pay for travel to a professional interview. But I once scored a postdoctoral fellowship by offering to visit while on my way through the city during a long-planned car trip. They didn't have to fly me out, the interview went great, and I got the job.

Why the hell would someone drop thousands of dollars on a shadow wedding? If the purpose of it is to air faults and grievances while wearing your old sweats, why not do it in the backyard with a few cases of cheap beer and some junk food? That would set up the ambience much better than an elaborate party would.

You've got a point there. Of all the things that can be legally and consensually introduced into a vagina, a douchenozzle gets some of the highest marks for unpleasantness. Maybe we should go even further and call him a speculum!

Sure would, but I wouldn't call him a "douchenozzle" Don't want any part of him near my lady bits — nor anyone else's.

Wow! (But looks more like a jumping spider than a tarantula.)

I've been told that I have precisely this superpower.

I'd like to be able to like Burger King, but back when I was young enough to eat fast food regularly, only once have I gotten a BK burger that wasn't cold. It was their plain old cheeseburger. I figured I'd hit the BK jackpot, and should always just order a regular cheeseburger there instead of a Whopper or any of the…