Bad enough that we're telling girls with perfectly normal bodies that they're fat. Now we're convincing teens that they look OLD? WTF?

Ah, Texas. More reasoned discourse from those wonderful folks who gave us Ted Cruz.

I'm such a bug geek — if I had to watch some lifeforms have sex, I'd pick tarantulas over most celebrity couples.

It's totally beyond my comprehension that this bridezilloid would treat her friend this way. Wedding gifts may be a tradition, but they're not an obligation. I can't imagine having excluded friends from my wedding if I thought they might not be able to afford an expensive gift (or any gift at all, in fact). Writing a…

Ugh. The JI is the closest I have to a hometown paper (though I moved out of Connecticut years ago). Sorry to hear that it carried this piece of disdainful asswipery.

Seriously, when people dislike a character on a TV show, does the hatred normally consume them in real life? Because it sounds like someone really needs to move out of his parents' basement.

Strangely enough, I love the name Dorcas. The other "old-fashioned" name that I really like is Muriel. Maybe if I ever get cats, I'll give them those names! :-)

Whenever I hear the name "Sophia", I assume the bearer of it is 85 years old, minimum. It seems a lot like naming your kid "Flossie" or "Jedediah".

If you don't have the option of an immediate shower, try wet TP with a little mild liquid soap on it, followed by a thorough wet TP rinse, then dry TP. (If your tender butt doesn't like liquid soap, splurge on some store-brand Cetaphil equivalent.) It might take two flushes to complete the process, but it won't clog…

Has a road rage incident ever gone terribly right?

Lech Walesa is very much alive.

I don't have any desire to play with butt plugs, but if I did, I'd forgo the pony tail and look for a custom-made bee sting.

I've eaten (and really love) authentic Italian and Italian-American food, and I've never minded the Olive Garden; I've just always considered it a decent middle-American chain restaurant with more red sauce and cream sauce than the national average. (Don't order risotto there, though. It's not supposed to be crunchy.)

Where does it say that the girl is 12? The only hint at her age is "teenage".

I love Poo-Pourri. When it went on sale at a local store, I bought three bottles of it. I only use it at home, since I'm one of those freakishly regular people. But even though we have decent bathroom ventilation, it makes things a lot more pleasant in the morning.

Do we really need to give space to people who fat-shame women for being size 6? Why even bother acknowledging these idiots?

Nope. In fact, I've always suspected that the term "40-year-old virgin" is far from being an oxymoron.

My city has a terrific public facility that offers contract-free month-to-month memberships for less than half of what a private club would cost. It's not 24-hour, and there are times when some facilities (pool, basketball court) are dedicated to special programs, but those of us who would not be caught dead…

Hurray for my hysterectomy, and bring on the ice cream and chocolate!

Age: I was way too old (20!) for it to be my first time. He was only 18, though!