My husband's friend (late twenties, uber-rich parents, works at his dad's law firm) didn't know how lemonade was made. He was perplexed when he saw me juicing lemons and adding water and sugar in a pitcher. He thought all lemonade was made in a factory.

I once had 40yo customer ask me if the omelet had egg in it. The obvious reply of, "an omelet is made from eggs," prompted "well, it doesn't say egg," and a completely bewildered look from me.

WOW, That got real, real fast. I think I'll stick to my go to Tinder pick up line;

How does the "hey do you wanna have a threesome with our student" question even come up in casual conversation with another teacher? Like, how the fuck does that setup even work?

What a waste of money. 30 grand could have put a couple of those sex dolls through college.

HAHA PEE OUT THEIR BUTTS. WHAT AN IDIOT. Everyone knows girls don't pee or poop. This guy needs to get a clue.

I want to see a movie about this wedding.

Hat-Themed wedding.

My uterus hurts from that story. This won't win the prize but I'm sharing anyway.

Honestly, I can't get mad about this. Her party was well-behaved and didn't cause trouble for the servers? She left an appropriately generous tip? That's all fine by me. Of course, being in a position to spend that much on booze is a bit beyond my comprehension, but it's not like she'd be less ridiculously wealthy…

No, that would be a $4.70 tip on a $23 tab. Math is your friend, don't push it away!

A source claims the bar tab was $230,000, with a $47,000 tip.

Attention bad tippers: Paris Hilton is now a better person than you are. BOOM.

we sang her our Frozen remix called "Do you want to go to college?"

At least the parents of spoilt children past didn't write think pieces about it. The think pieces bother me way more than the children.

Tell them no, Tell them no

I hate Kyle. He better get it together now or he is profoundly fucked. My 12 year old stepdaughter asked for a four wheeler for Christmas because her stepdad got one and we sang her our Frozen remix called "Do you want to go to college?" Kyle would've bought the stupid thing and then blamed the outdoor recreation…

What is wrong with people? Seriously, put another movie on. The kids will live. My eldest was going through a massive Pocahontas phase where all he wanted to do during his TV time was watch Pocahontas and its half-assed sequel. We put on Hercules instead, to save our sanity. He survived.