Much like the Imperial Stormtroopers, no one can remember the last time the Padres hit anything either.

Was that last picture taken with the Jalen Rose Cam (tm)?

Best wishes to Coach Summitt. Hopefully the only memory she loses is that of seeing orange, shirtless Bruce Pearl.

If he did shit himself while at the plate, would they score that as Runs Batted In?

"There's a lot of people who hate the University of Miami. A lot of them who are jealous of the University of Miami."

Doctors discovered McMahon's condition after an '85 Bears reunion when a teammate asked him to "get a beer out of the fridge," after which he ended up being surgically removed from William Perry.

He always thought Don Ho was a gangster prostitute.

As revolutionary gestures go, fighting "the Man" by taking free lap dances in South Beach doesn't quite have the same power as the Boston Tea Party...

"...you go here and you rape these kids."

"One step after another. One foot after another. One foot in front of the other. I walk across the floor. I walk out the door...."

The Southern Hemisphere sure is wacky. Down there the toilet water drains the opposite way, and union guys RECEIVE broken legs...

"the password at Bears training camp is Sweetness34."

Luke is obviously very upset about the Ponzi scheme, and the next time he sees Anson Williams he's gonna kick his ass.

This was all just a horrible misunderstanding. When having a conversation with an Olympic athlete, never ever tell them you want "your analysis."

Colin Cowherd comes from a long line of Weasel Heads.

Sure beats the rejected slogan: "ManPersa."

"Enough is enough, I'm going back to film-making."

In retrospect, perhaps holding The First Annual Grace Kelly Memorial Demolition Derby wasn't such a great idea...

The Voice: "If you build it, they will come, stand around, chain smoke cigarettes, sneer at you and molest your women..."

a scrotal scamper?