"I have no idea who owns the ass behind me."

Pictured: A young Michael Jordan and the world's only black Parrothead.

"Sure, that's been the only way soccer has been played since the Laws of the Game were codified back in 1863, and likely long before that."

Their motto is "Willy is happy again, and again, and again..."

Speaking of Bautista and his gaudy numbers — do they pronounce steroids ster-ruads in Canada?

It's also the name of the service which provided the entertainment for the Mexican National Soccer Team last week at the Copa America.

Argentinians say the presence of the ghost of Maradona may be detected from the trail of jelly donut filling and fine white powder it leaves in its wake...

That's just great. Next thing they will tell us is Jobu was clean and sober.

Bob Hope (to Bing Crosby, out of picture): "Hey, Bing! Thanks for the club!"

"he doesn't want to take his mom up on her join-the-army/enroll-in-massage-school suggestion"

This is actually from a lost chapter of Chairman Mao's Little Red Book called "The Fabulous Sashay Forward."

These guys sure can't get enough of that "contaminated meat."

Greg Oden: Out for Season (amazing technicolor infected hand)

"It's exciting, it really is. It's been a whirlwind as we speak, but when it's something that you grew up hoping and wishing and striving for, when something like that happens it become an unbelievable excitement... All right, who dropped this fucking house on my sister?" — The rejected last line of the Broadway…

You should have seen the version that shot white t-shirts out of the toes.

The real problem was that every time a game went over four hours, he had to go to the trainer's office for immediate medical attention.

If the hair's not legit, you must acquit!

"On 8 June our players were hit by lightning."

"No hard feelings."

"Sedano asked Salley who he considered—aside from himself—to be the best thespian/athlete."