If anyone asks, I am the biggest World B. Free fan.

If this happens, somebody from the IOC better go by a shitload of Motley Crue CD's.

Not nearly as terrified as the Penn State assistants were when they saw JoePa's balls coming at them in the press box when Coach Paterno forgot to zip up at halftime.

If only those BCS types knew somebody with connections for some hookers and blow to spend their newfound million bucks on...

Somewhere in LA, LAPD investigator Jack Vincennes is laughing at Ed Exley after he was just punched in the face for calling Tommy Lasorda a cheap whore cut to look like Tommy Lasorda.

I'm shocked. I simply cannot believe I'm reading a story on Deadspin about an Illinois alum having a cheap, tawdry hookup with a professional athlete and it doesn't involve Rick Ankiel.

They should also investigate Coach Crean's statement for any signs of Coach Crean speaking about someone other than himself in it.

This is why CSI: San Juan was rejected as a spinoff series, right behind CSI: Abbottabad.

"Giannantonio was fired last week. He said he didn't feel his dismissal had anything to do with the mystery gambler."

"He thought a knighthood would be appropriate, and I told him that was completely impossible."

Doesn't leave room for marshmallows though. They really liven up a good cross burning!

That party had the most Duke students on the ground with their legs spread since basketball season ended.

An NL Central pitcher suspected of theft? And it's not Ryan Franklin?

Still less embarrassing than appearing in a Hoosiers jersey lately.

"Stevie Wonder gave me this tie. Actually HAND PICKED this tie."

Right. His brother Jeffrey did the screwing in that family.

By contrast, the Purdue John Club had a record year of fundraising. No more rough one-ply paper for them!

You know Bill Self is really sad when he takes his hair off and blows his nose in it.