"Pounding it up the middle... just the way your mother likes it, Trebek!" — Sean Connery

"they claimed to make a formal complaint to the HR director at Golf Channel because it was 'not consistent with our [GC's] culture and integrity.' "

He's been suspended from school, physically injured and shamed on the internet for all time. Even with all that, why do I feel like he deserves a crutchbeating just for that pose?

A Villain hasn't spent this much time under so many people since Madonna's "Sex" Tour.

This tends to disprove my theory. I always thought ESPN filled in voids in their college basketball coverage by pressing a mysterious default "Duke" button.

From the Defendants' Motion to Dismiss: "Plaintiffs also couldn't see the halftime show. For that, they should pay us."

"Always good to have a massive, sputtering fraud as a piggy bank. Well done!" Who is dating Christina Aguilera these days, anyway?

"Cue the screaming Frenchmen."

But what are the numbers on guys who beat their wives on Super Bowl Sunday because they were in the bathroom the whole game because she served him bad guacamole?

@David Roher: Things not overheard on the Batman Begins set?

The study would have been done sooner, but they had to go back and manually take all the Tiger Woods and Brett Favre stories out of the "penis" category.

The station thought that the Jew York Jets were lox to schmear the Steelers, instead they were bageled for most of the game.

Come on. Everyone knows that's a Chocogo Cubs logo.

@Thunderclees: Nope. That's Cecil Newton's Dr. Pepper. Best deal he could get after the Mississippi State thing.

#22 looks like he is about one torch or pitchfork in his face away from "FIRE BAD! TROPHY SMASH!"

Why yes, #20 does live on a boat, with a goat. Why do you ask?

@Forte_Oz._To_Freedom: But they've had plenty of time to practice being smug about it!

@BlylevenTheDude: Fear of a Doughy White Planet

By sounding intelligent and using the word "arbitrary," Mr. Perez has totally ruined any chance he had of invoking the Sammy Sosa "no speaka English" defense during the next round of Congressional steroid hearings.

What's the big deal? I get a parking lot fucking every time I have to hand $20 to the attendant when I drive into the lot.