Maybe the loyal readers of Deadspin can take up a charitable collection of our own to have one of the kids at the Boys and Girls Club in CT where this is being shot nutpunch Lebron after the announcement.

Well if you scramble the letters in his name it does spell "El Boner Jams."

Apparently he heard about the magic healing properties of " 'Tussin " and as bad as he is was attempting to bathe in the stuff.

Much like the misunderstood Charlton Heston, he was just trying to warn the other competitors that Nathan's Famous is People! Tasty, tasty People!

The security video in the hotel shows these people were framed, but unfortunately the World Cup Court won't look at it.

She probably balked when he insisted on her taking his last name.

Hide the interns and the vuvuzelas!

@PickleMatrixSolver: He was busy trying to get a happy ending from the team massage therapist. Allegedly.

Short hairy primates breaking and entering? Well the one who didn't score anything had to be Rooney. As for the other two...

@spinachdip: If it was drawing weapons or drawing "Winky," we'd have a big advantage.

@Steve U: That would have to be one slow springbok if Gooch is gonna catch it himself.

This omits the crucial first step which we missed today: pay off the ref more than the other team is paying him.

Word is Coach Ditka was able to stuff the guys who made the crack about him not sitting in "da coach" section into the overhead bin and under the seat in front of him so they didn't have to be checked.

Too bad Daddy got outbid by the CEO of UPS, who instead of offering cash just offered to have the whiteboard commercial guy killed.

@SponsoredbyV8: Perhaps he was a virgin so long because he gave them the pepper spray before he hit on them instead of after...

I take it the white pipe cleaner is Peter Crouch?

The British would have won Bunker Hill outright if not for those damned newly-issued Adidas cannonballs.

Wrongful termination after being pursued? Her lawyer may want to cite the leading case of Frankenstein v. Villagers.

"they convey that violence can be used to solve conflicts"

@Senators Lost Cojones: And where will people have to go now to be looked upon with disdain by Mike Lupica?