Lawyer: Mrs. Sterling, here are the facts. You now have total control over an absolute disaster. It's a bloated, empty carcass that's been completely and horrifically mismanaged over the past three decades. I'm going to do the best I can, but you may have to settle at a certain point.

Asked about putting a hot dog "between his penis," Manziel declined to comment beyond saying, "I'm frankly split on the issue."

It's like Hunter couldn't believe both of his i's.

Several Cubs hitters, upset with the situation and pressure associated with it, anonymously stated that they would prefer a return to an underwear stitcher.

[stares at GIF for hours]

Angling for that HLN gig, eh lady? Close, but the big dog won't go easily.

♪ The o-line it is stacked
Yet Saban curses his cast
The slow running back now
Will be subbed off real fast
And the present quarterback now
Throws another incomplete pass
The depth chart is
Rapidly fadin'
And the field goal attempt now
Will be missed like the last
For the tides they are a-rollin' ♪

He was just explaining the latest drug craze, where you make a joint with laundry detergent.

Roll Tide!

How did Deadspin obtain Pat Burrell's wedding invitation list?

"Hello and welcome to new gate rehab."

Players, at practice: "Coach Symington, you're working us too hard!"

The officer described Symington as "disoriented," but cooperative.

This is what happens when you start talking about payment and increased accommodations for players. NMSU had to make job offers based on a budget that included bigger benefits for players, and as a result they weren't even paying enough for coaches to buy actual drugs.

Witnesses say the bar fight before his was significantly more impressive to the point that they're not even sure why a guy who's never won a bar fight before would even start one at that bar.

My dog Hrbark will love it. The guy really knows how to lift a leg.

You know, both explanations are possible. I had an "incomplete wipe" this morning, and I've been haunted by it all day.

That bet is typical despicable de Blasio strategy, pitting the Habs against the Habs-nots.

Pha, a phonetic spelling of a popular Vietnamese soup made from beef

Oh Tim, you're so naive. The Cavs, LeBron's former team, got the 1st pick. The Heat, Lebron's current team, got the 26th pick. 1-26? Do I have to spell it out for you? It's the number of letters in the alphabet. Now, let's break down that word, "alphabet." Al, a popular name. Pha, a phonetic spelling of a…