I still have to disagree with the looks. The bloated seals aren't horrible to look at. As far as amorphous blobs go, the Taurus did a damn good job at being the curviest family sedan made. Just like the original Taurus, the bloated seals broke new ground and out-styled the competition. Then when the market shifted…

The final generation Celica is another hit-or-miss in terms of style. I loved the late-90s Celica convertibles, but the final generation Celica coupes left me wanting more.

The 3rd generation Taurus (bloated seal era, 1995-1999) are actually the best winter car someone could ask for. The 3.0 Vulcan V6 is dirt cheap to fix, gives you enough power to move along in traffic, and the car's weight allows it to be a front-wheel drive drift buster.

Ah...the 9-5! 1998-2010. The Joan Rivers of of cars.

I really think they ought to give the Stratos a Chrysler-ized interior (in a good way), import it, and have it be a 2nd generation Crossfire to compete with low-end Porsches. None of the American companies offer anything in this segment. The Corvette is its own thing mostly running on loyalty buyers...and the Viper…

Is that related to a Mitsu Sigma? a.k.a. the Stigma?

Remember ladies: If he has sex with you through the wiener hole in his underwear—HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU.

So it's a big Geo Tracker with a face like the Tata Nano. Nice to know Tata didn't waste anytime putting their spin on the Land Rover brand...and after they were going so well with Jaguar.

If that doesn't work—perhaps a microscope?

I'm not going to harsh on you. The Titan is a decent truck outside its recall issues. It is actually my 2nd choice full-size truck when I think about it. It follows the Dodge Ram... No I'm not willing to call the Dodge Ram just a f***ing Ram. It's really going to take a while for Ram-as-a-brand to grow on me.

That is something I would expect a Mercedes owner to do.

Oops, I forgot I also once owned a '91 Chrysler Imperial & '89 Plymouth Horizon that I DID buy.

I bought a used Sebring over a new C30. Yes, get over it. It's called I used the Chrysler as my keeping up appearances car. I have to pick up higher-ups and clients for work, and they wouldn't fit in a C30. I bought it for wholesale price, and I spoke with the previous owner to get the full history of the car. …

I find that the biggest flaw with Jalopnik.

I didn't buy the Reliant. Some families have hand-me-down clothes, my family had hand-me-down cars. "Byron T. Pluggs" (my Reliant) was bought for one of my sisters to learn to drive in in 1992, then it was handed down to another sister, and my mom drove it for a couple of years, and lastly I received & restored it…

Adam Carolla is the worst part of that show.

The only cars with a curvy floppy rear that have dramatically caught my attention are the Porsche 944 and the Kia Rio Cinco.

New, in my opinion, only equals a vehicle with less than 10 miles of the odometer, never having another owner on its title, and me receiving the full factory warranty specified for the car going into effect as soon as I sign for the car. Leftover vehicles from a previous model year still equal new, so long as no one…

Unrelated?

A few weeks ago at the gas station bathroom, a gay nazi walked up to the urinal next to me, started talking, tried to pick me up, and after a 15 minute conversation (which I went along with because I'm a HUGE Bruce LaBruce fan) we exchanged numbers.