@curlysoo: I can't help find the clip, but I remember that sketch. I think part of the joke was that the name of the show changed repeatedly throughout the show, so it started out being called What's the Best Way and ended up being something different.

@e-atoms: This was my ex. "No, the border guards don't think it's funny when you offer them pizza. They are waving us forward. Please fucking drive." (No, he was not stoned. Just an idiot.)

I've been able to date for a whole year now?!? Why didn't anyone tell me?

@astridjane: Hearted. And I may get that last sentence on a shirt.

@t.king-real mrs pratt: I agree with your conclusions, but my understanding was that for men, if there were fertility concerns they would send him to jizz in a cup before treatment. But with women, in addition to egg collection being more complicated in general, the hormones necessary to collect the eggs also cause…

@vu_xlibris: Wow. You're living The People's Court. Someday you'll have to go all Judge Judy on them. :)

@vu_xlibris: But isn't that how the chant goes?

@rodmanstreet: I was thinking, "that is an epic book title."

@It's.Not.Opposite.Day: I used to work in a card/novelty shop that sold those, and the owner's favorite thing was to walk up behind unsuspecting customers and just start using it on them. Surprisingly few people tried to punch him, but I let it be known in no uncertain terms that I am never to be approached from…

This is the third year that I'm making presents for all of my cousin's children. I can't get things for my cousins or aunts and uncles because there are too many, but since I've moved to the other side of the country, this is really the only way the next generation will get to know me at all. So two years ago, I…

@so much honey: Thanks. It turns out she has a mass in her brain. It's not cancer, but she needs surgery. I'm getting ready to go back over.

@EponineT: If you can pinch more than an inch of fat from your waist, you're too fat. (That's the idea, obviously not what I believe.)

@shameonme: I agree! Remember when they were the last thing posted on Friday, which is why they were called "Stick a Fork in it?" That was awesome.

My friend just called from the hospital. She collapsed at work. She said I should stay at work these last 15 minutes before I go get her, but I'm freaking out. If my boss leaves early, I am right behind him.

@pond-side-over: I'm sorry, but we may need to give you devastating news all the time.

She picked this up from school, and while thankfully she didn't say she needed to be on one, I have a feeling this may come some day.

Those guys over there are totally checking you out. I told you cutting your own bangs was a good idea.

@Cherryblossomgirl: Cute! You made those today? I am insanely jealous of your skills.

@lovelymofo: Does he have young kids? I think it's cool to cut off adults, but I can't imagine cutting off ANYONE'S kids at Christmas.

AHH! His back legs are melting! What did you DO to him?!?