Wow dude. I kind of didn't want to respond because your response seems to be the response of someone who just heard someone talking about someone they actually know. It's a little crazy town. But you went through so much effort writing all of that!

She NEVER LOOKS HAPPY. Ever. I don't know why it irritates me so much, but it really does! You're a successful actress! If you don't severely fuck up, you're probably set for life! Smile when you're at a premiere!

My favorite thing about how all of that has played out, is that Brad Pitt then went and formed a Child Army with General Jolie, and people still assumed that Jennifer was crying into, like, a baby blanket in the unfinished nursery that now sits collecting cobwebs; a sad museum to her inability to find a man who will…

Yeah I know of a priest/preacher/whatever the term is (I'm not religious, can you tell?) who doesn't believe in abortion (sidenote: like what, they're fucking unicorns??) and he adopted a whole mess of kids with his wife and raised them. On one hand, that is so awesome and wonderful that they're helping people. On…

Well, I'm really happy they're doing this, because I went to the clinic because I really thought I wanted at abortion, but it turned out that I just really wanted a pizza.

Well, but that can't be true because, as we all know, all women want to be mothers. If you're Jennifer Aniston, and you're rich and your life is awesome and you get to go on fabulous vacations and work when you want to and have an amazing house (s) and cute dogs that love you, drink when you want, sit around and…

Preach! I'm 24, have been dating the same dude for over a year (which really isn't even that long!) and I've been getting flack from friends about being boring because I hang out with my boyfriend. (I still see my friends quite often, as I don't live with my boyfriend yet, by the way.) Yo, I can be exactly myself…

Really?? Man, I don't know how I missed that. I'm (embarrassingly) up to date on celebrity crap.

Obviously Christina Aguilera is a real person, and therefore can do whatever she wants with her body; HOWEVER, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of bummed she lost all of that weight. I thought she looked really great! And there wasn't a gigantic hullaballoo (at least that I saw) around her weight gain, so it made me feel…

God DAMN it that is a great gif. Thank you for letting me look at it!

Hey there!

She does. My thing though, is that even if it's just an act (and I totally don't think it is), it's an awesome act to have. Everyone likes you. If you pretend to be kind and patient with reporters and fans, you're still being kind and patient with reporters and fans. I mean, she could be more "real" like Bruce…

I'm not on any medication, but I always have really mundane dreams too. In high school, I had a dream that I woke up, took a shower, went to school, hung out with my friends, went to all of my regular classes, came home, did homework, watched a bit of tv, and then fell asleep. And then I woke up from that dream. …

Oh man that Kirsten Dunst gif has been utilized perfectly here. Nothing else to add except this doll thing is gross and weird and ugh. Totes a bummer, man.

Yo, it's so weird. And I'm totally buying into this crap. Like, I'm genuinely excited about this damn baby, but the entire time watching that video...people are applauding! And yelling! And all you did was push out a kid, like literally billions of woman before you have done. And! This isn't a few hundred years…

Agreed. I think some humans think that the uterus just like snaps back into place immediately after carrying around something roughly the size of a bowling ball for 3-4 months (depending on how you carry). It's kind of sad that it's refreshing, but I really am pleased to see her in a figure flattering dress and not…

Everyone else has said it already, but yeah. Perfectly said. Took the thoughts out of my head and wrote them down way better than I ever could have done.

1) Awesome name.

Nah, it's cool. I'm pretty damn secure with myself, but every once in a while it bums me out that people judge me based solely on my weight, you know? Especially because the aforementioned roommate/bestie puts absolutely no effort into exercise and people just assume that she does lots of exercise and eats well (and…

You know, I really don't know about this. My roommate, god bless her, hasn't worked out in probably ten years, eats a mixed bags of good for you and awful for you (like most American humans), and weighs maaaaybe 100 pounds. I, on the other hand, rock climb and do pretty aeobic yoga twice a week, eat a mixed bag of…