1) These ding dongs need different jobs. Quiet jobs.

They find each other because there are lots of them, and they identify each other by saying disgusting things when in an all-male group. Not enough men have the spine to register their disgust by telling the men around them how wrong they are, and too many think it's a guy thing that guys do when they're being guys…

Can you even imagine what it must be like to find out you were raped by seeing the event on video? I can't. My heart goes out to her.

The gaslighting of the girl was a nice touch, assholes.

By the way, the reason we felt that we finally had to say something about this is because Bulletproof Coffee is about to open up its very first café in, you guessed it, Los Angeles.

"I almost foam at the mouth in disgust, but I try to be pleasant."

So, yeah... I'm disturbed by this.

once told by a trainer not to drink electroylyte-balancing liquids prescribed by the show's doctor because it would "ruin her one last chance to save her life.

I really like you, Mark. But I have a red pencil here that is just dying to correct all these typos.

I believe all of this. I knew there was now way you could healthily lose 50-100 lbs in a few months.

I want the Rifftrax version of this movie.

This movie is going to crash and burn and I CAN'T WAIT!

we use sex as communication in our show. We hope our sex scenes move the story forward

Geez Louise I must be the only person who found that video adorable. My host mother in France used to have a chicken and it would come when its name was called and sit on her lap. Chickens rock!

What kind of God would damn a kitten? Everyone KNOWS that Cats can't be baptized! Have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? It is like an adorable little wheat thresher!

That is not how you eat a butt. I am a bear. I know these things.

I would pretty kind of upset if somebody was paying so much attention to my asshole when the clit is like right there.

Am I a hopeless fuddy-duddy for refusing to get on Team Salad Tossing? I just...fecal-oral bacterial transmission, you guys. C. diff is no fucking joke.

Oh...oh hi Steve Carrell. You're looking handsomer than I realized.