“Hell, this black bear picked them even though bears and panthers are natural rivals (in the jungle). I think they’re all wrong, even the bear.”

The most exciting thing about tomorrow’s Superb Owl: Avoiding Jimbo Sims & Pheeel Nantz nails-on-blackboarding my brain by watching the livestream on ESPN Deportes. GOOOOOOAAAALLLL!

I wonder if there isn’t a way to subvert the use of helmet sensors anyway. While they would be a fantastic tool to better understand the impact of the collisions that a player is subject to on a regular basis, couldn’t researchers use advanced metrics, similar to what broadcasters are showing on TV right now?

Shocking that Dr. Ellenbogen could elbow his way past Drs. Kopf, Nacken, and Ruckenmark to head that committee.

And with the second blanket delivery, Jamestown had begun to inexorably change history forever.

It’s all just targeted to girls who want something to put on Instagram on Sunday.

My biggest take-away from this is that Yes, the NFL is pandering shamelessly to women in an obnoxiously regressive manner, but Pats fans, male or female, are still the fucking worst.

Sure. Somebody’s gotta explain the game to the straight women.

Seems like you’re the expert on it.

“All the Pandering is thanks to this excellent Carolina team.”

Thank god he and his co-host thoroughly explained every single joke, I doubt I would have gotten them otherwise.

Yes, the only person who always laughs at Jimmy Fallon is Jimmy Fallon.

I watch these Fallon clips and I just think, “If Johnny Carson were alive to see this, he’d be hooked up to an IV of gin and assfucking Angie Dickinson instead.”

Jimmy Fallon has come a long, long, long way since the evening someone dropped off a smug, evidently unselfconscious fourteen year-old outside 30 Rockefeller Pl. with a sign around his neck reading, Will be beaten to death within moments if set free.

“What are you two laughing at? And if you say Jimmy Fallon, I’ll know you’re lying”

I hope someday to find one thing as funny as Jimmy Fallon finds everything.

fuck that announcer on Fallon is insufferable

You misspelled “fall down drunk.”

Most Likely To Fail Upward