When I drink these nut milks, all I taste is the stabilizer. Almond milk tastes like used chewing gum to me. It’s disgusting. Soy milk is palatable only if you buy the stuff that has vanilla and seventeen thousand grams of sugar in it.

In 2012 I put together this poster to help people differentiate the Republican primary candidates.

The problem is that the RNC did the same thing to John Kerry, Tammy Duckworth, and Max Cleland — all vets who were wounded serving their country. But oh lordy, don’t insult John McCain! He’s one of us!

I think they missed my type, which is someone who has one glass of wine and immediately falls asleep.

Probably Dog. I’ve love to hear Dog’s thoughts on how to learn to swim.

I know an alcoholic in Minnesota who has been arrested for DUI three times, still has her license and does not have a ‘shaming’ plate. The law in that state appears to be dealt out very irregularly, as far as I can tell.

You know what? I think you’re all wrong. I’m going to put the blame on the privatization of the school system.

I weep for millennials. My school not only taught me how to use a computer, we had two mandatory classes on how to program it — and I wasn’t a computer science major. By the time I got my bachelor’s, I had experience with everything from Mac to Windows to VAX to punchcards on a PDP/11.

Did they have nothing at SDCC about Aquaman?

Are they both cheating assholes, or are they a couple in an agreed-upon open relationship? It’s not like they could come out as polyamorous — it would kill their political careers. But they might be secret swingers.

Scientologists believe that illnesses are leftover engrams from ancient criminals glued to your psychic subsconciousness. So of course there’s no vaccine to treat them. The only way to get rid of a body thetan is good old-fashioned E-meter courses, available at your local Scientology clinic for quite reasonable prices.

Ugh. I thought that Jenna Elfman and Jenny McCarthy were the same person. She just changed her name after marriage or something. I didn’t need to know that there are two of that people. Yuck.

People joke about this, but frankly, I used to know some people who were willing to test it in court. I expect to see that court challenge in the news any day now.

As far as I can tell, here’s the issue: Different methodologies are used to apply labels. You can label people by genetics, by culture, by historical facts, or by self-identification.

It’s Worldcon, the biggest sci-fi convention. It rotates from city to city, and they chose Spokane this year. It’ll be the first Worldcon in a state with legal marijuana, so many are calling it ‘Smokane-con’.

I’m going to Spokane in September for a sci-fi convention. Bringing the whole family. I’ll have to keep an eye out for offensive but hilarious things.

I’m developing a love/hate relationship with HotS also. I’m improving, and I can feel my skills getting better, and that feels great. But I’m also noticing that no matter how good I get, the game is a pay-to-win grind. It will take forever before I’ll have enough heroes to play ranked — unless I throw Blizzard a lot…

I think it might be ‘貞’, which means ‘chastity’.

In that restaurant’s defense, it’s hard to cook cat meat just right. You should have checked for fur patches on the wall-saws.

I’d like a new Gawker media site composed entirely of pink-lemonade-and-magnolias’ dreams.