There’s never a goddamn bathtub around when you need it the most.

Despite this being 2017, it took me a minute to realize you meant the Secret Service and weren’t referring to the Nazi military group.

Like you said, you’re not American.

Hello. I’m not American. Can someone tell me why America thought it was a good idea to make a functionally illiterate man with severe personality disorders the President of the United States of America?

One time, I forgot about a presentation I had in fourth grade. I didn’t research or read anything. Totally forgot about it for weeks. I did my best to wing it, but I only fooled the other idiot kids in the room, not my teacher. Every time Trump speaks, I hear that presentation.

Well, his kids run the businesses, Bannon runs him and the country, leaving the orange shit-gibbon to stare at the glowy box and bitch about it on Twitter.

Unequivocally.

As a person who has attended golf tournaments, I can unequivocally state that there are no good people who attend golf tournaments.

ikr

Quimby: Also it has been brought to my attention that a number of you are stroking guns...

I think he likes to talk tough to compensate for the fact he’s terrified of stairs.

Big if true

CONSPIRACY THEORY:

So true

Do the old gimmick of having Trump look in the mirror. Baldwin plays Trump; Rosie O’Donnell plays the reflection.

okay, now we NEED Rosie to play Bannon...

So..... SNL is going to have all the Trump people played by someone of the opposite sex now, right? I’d pay to see Leslie Jones as Ben Carson. Or Aidy Bryant as Steve Bannon.

Every Hitler needs a Reichstag Fire.

That’s called outrage fatigue and trump is counting on it. Take a breather and then put your yelling pants back on.

The failing @nytimes writes total fiction concerning me. They have gotten it wrong for two years, and now are making up stories & sources!