So this is what twitter would be like if there wasn't a 140-character limit.

Sounds like the two of you had quite the run-on.

"My Ukrainian Svexbot has a more genuine vulva. I honestly don't see how you can still put your dick in that model."

If you're not using a handcarved-and-sanded, hardwood handled axe with a precision-tooled refurbished antique American steel head and no-glue construction, you're not really axe murdering. I mean, only a Nickelback fan would go out there and axe murder with some shit he got at Home Depot.

in Soviet Russia, man in leather pants gets rammed from behind by YOU.

In re: car doors, don't forget the abject terror of getting one of your kids out of a car seat on the street side on a busy road. The kid inevitably getting tangled in straps, other child(ren) whining to "get me out now Daddy!", Vin Diesel wannabe' pushing 50 mph towards your car and swerving while texting. The worst.…

I used to work at Central Command. Sadly, flash drives are no longer allowed inside the building. You'd run up to the door, flush with determination, demand to see your point of contact and try make the info drop.

I'll sleep with anyone on the planet for 1.5 million dollars.

Let's all raise a glass to Emergency Responder That Keeps The Siren Off At Night In Residental Area Unless Someone Is In His Way Guy

For the last time little bro, keep that goddamn robot out of my bed and get the hell out of my basement! MOM!!! HE WON'T LEAVE!!!

Use more concise ledes. The last 3 words are unnecessary.

I can understand nostalgia, but I certainly can't envision a scenario in which a change in a website's commenting system would really have that large an impact on the quality of comments left on that website. I mean, just look at how well Kinja's turned out for Gawker Media.

They want the D. The Diploma.

Does he know all of the UFC results ahead of time too?

Too soon.

After being overshadowed recently, it's refreshing to see New York trying to reclaim its status as the year's worst disaster involving a Jet.

"And now here's a word from our newest sponsor, Sofa King: Where their prices aren't just low, they're Sofa King low!"

Hi Drew!

Dance like no one is watching! Comment like you don't live in your mom's basement!

IMG's handle really should have been bustedintheroundof32.