You could always go with the Jason Todd approach: let Batman catch you trying to jack his tires, and he’ll make you his new sidekick.

“A tiny tip can make a difference? Huh. Well, I’ll never know.”

He said the quiet part loud there. 

“I couldn’t control you,”

I went into it thinking I wouldn’t want to read all of the very long article, then couldn’t stop reading.

It’s okay, gang, those seats are rich Second Corinthians leather.

Holy shit, if you can’t trust football coaches & Catholic priests these days who can you trust?

You ask for cars and all you get is the bees

Julia Louis-Dreyfus can stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot someone and I would still vote for her. She can do no wrong. 

If the animal was specifically bred for food, one would think it could be put through a meat-processing facility.

That’s my fucking son you’re talking about, bud.

I feel like Asians having the highest average earnings is from a smaller sample size being skewed by Emma Stone.

Foodstamps are because you don’t have money and help a lot of decent people out, so go fuck yourself. 

You’re right. I’m sure he did that Nike campaign gratis.
(And by the way, don’t worry: You don’t sound racist at all.)

For those wondering, Crew is short for Crewstopher.

Gimme the rock water.

Can’t believe I get to post this twice in one day.

If you like pina coladas, and emphasizing Barack Hussein...

So there will be 98% men and 2% men pretending to be women signed up to this thing, right?