I feel like Asians having the highest average earnings is from a smaller sample size being skewed by Emma Stone.

Foodstamps are because you don’t have money and help a lot of decent people out, so go fuck yourself. 

You’re right. I’m sure he did that Nike campaign gratis.
(And by the way, don’t worry: You don’t sound racist at all.)

For those wondering, Crew is short for Crewstopher.

Gimme the rock water.

Can’t believe I get to post this twice in one day.

Service ticket #4578: Confirmed operation of and effectiveness of cannon.

If I was an Olympic level woman gymnast, I would send Simone Biles a book on gravity because she doesn’t seem to understand how it works.

A lot of times when I see a person who’s much shorter than me, I think, “I wonder how many of that person I could take on in a fight and hold my own.” This is usually something I think about at my 6-year old’s soccer games.

I hate Flint Marko. He’s coarse and rough, and he gets everywhere.

Who do I root for? On one side, we have a nonverbal orange-haired monster, concocted by capital to appeal to and siphon money from unsophisticated rubes, who has irritatingly saturated social media and (perhaps due to forces somewhat beyond his control) politicized sports. The other is Gritty.

I THINK I’M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE OF NOT-SURPRISE

Good luck with this. Last time I mentioned “death of the author” in relation to J.K. Rowling on Kotaku people thought I actually wanted to kill her.

It really is amazing I’ve been watching him on TV since I was like 8 years old in the 1990s. Everyday French with Pierre S. Cargo!

He really is... all that.

I think this just adds another problem to the list of concerns; he still has his calendar from 36 years ago. He’s a rapist AND a hoarder!

If you like pina coladas, and emphasizing Barack Hussein...

So there will be 98% men and 2% men pretending to be women signed up to this thing, right?