I like this, I like it a lot. Whenever people ask me what I’ll do if I eventually regret my tattoo I say, “Look, I have all kinds of marks on my body that I didn’t ask for and I don’t like. I have scars, I have stretch marks, funny freckles, weird bumps, whatever. Those are all permanent too. I CHOOSE my tattoo, and I…

Many years back I had a guy come up to me in a parking lot and try the “I need money for gas so I can get home.” bit. I was totally oblivious and offered to buy him a full tank at the gas station that I knew was just down the street. (this was back when gas was a buck a gallon.) He tried to shuffle it off by saying…

Part 2 of this series... poop/vomit stories.

*At a fried chicken place somewhere in San Antonio*

Subway jingle-writers room right now:

I believe their apology is sincere and that they will work to correct the problem. However, “involved in something racist” seems to impute some sort of intent and I think it is clear there wasn’t any here. It is a computer vision problem.

Umm, no this is not the reason for this phenomenon. Lens transmission is not geared towards selective skin tones.

Taking photos of black people has always been a bit more difficult than it has to be. This is maybe just the latest issue. HP had this computer a few years ago with facial recognition software that would not recognize dark skinned people unless they were under a really bright light, and interracial couples have for…

The science of this comment checks out. With elders who’ve entered what we call “benign senescence” behaviors the elder previous kept “in private” often show up in public settings via the process called disinhibition. Basically, if the elder used to be a secret rat bastard to servers, they’re now going to be a rat…

I believe the proper name for a group of teenage girls is a gossip.

I will admit to having done this before... I went out with some friends and the waitress was struggling to open the bottle of wine. Since she had previously mentioned that it was her second day working on her own, I felt okay with asking her if she would like help opening the wine. I showed her how to do it and walked…

Except Ferrari guy. In the midst of all this evil-minded douchebaggery, Ferrari guy seems cheerful and benign.

I was in a Starbucks yesterday and a gaggle of teenage girls, (I feel like gaggle isn’t right for teenage girls. A flock? A murder? A murder.) a murder of teenage girls came in behind me. As I finished my order, the barista (who was a treasure of a human being and recommended a kick-ass fruit sauce for baked brie)…

For some reason I kept reading “Ferrari Guy” as “Guy Fieri.”

So things that are sorta worked out in the womb can and should be fluid and that fluidity needs to be respected and allowed for (yes, amen, I agree), but things that we (we meaning humanity since forever) totally made up (such as racial divisions) and are largely arbitrary cannot be fluid? If I were born into a…

I was assaulted by a movie goer who felt she shouldn’t have to wait in line behind the 300 people who arrived before her, so she trampled me to get into a theater that wasn’t prepped yet. Thankfully, she also obstinately plopped her ass into the seat of her choice and refused to move. That made it easy for us to get…

Terrible women are just as bad as terrible men- see, the distinction comes when you realize skin color doesn’t have a damn thing to do with it. Shitty people are shitty people regardless.

5 year olds and 18 year old girls should be able to show their shoulders. It’s friggin hot in Texas and the 5 and 18 year old boys will just have to deal with it.