"Horsepower is how fast you hit the guest's car in front of you and torque is how far you push it."

Or this:

Brazil/Germany heat map.

THESE COUNTRIES DONT EVEN EXIST ANYMORE

Sorry, Barry - there's only one partner who can shock the world and it's this guy:

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A…

it's hard to stay bad forever in the NBA

"You like to gamble?"

There's a college world series?

It's like they decided, "Let's take elements from desktop and mobile sites and combine them into something that will be terrible for both."

SI.com's new redesign is garbage. There is no order to anything on the page anymore; it's like they threw shit in a blender and stuck it to the page.

Well, let's hope it's better than that hilariously bad redesign of their website that went live this week and broke everything.

Damn, that poor kid. The emailer really should have found a bathroom and had him get cleaned up before sending him back to the hotel. Could have used Scalia's bathroom, he probably shits himself all the time and has cleanup facilities in place.

"Is it possible for a bandwagon to go airborne if enough people jump off at once? Time to find out, we're going to Miami."

FUCK both Chicago and Philadelphia. Come to Milwaukee.

Go ahead, assholes. Tell us again how "only white people and like seven Indians" care about this issue.

Powerful stuff, and the perfect argument to silence those insensitive enough to co-opt traditional monickers of a proud people. Monickers like "Chief Wahoo" or "Birdman."

/Goes to Wikipedia.

Yeah I'd say it's about time we say Solange to this joke

marquette '13 communications graduate here. you'll be happy to know that i'm gainfully employed in a field my major (journalism) had nothing to do with.