Je Suis Kvshton

Yup. In preparation for lock down drills here, the police told the kids at school to do this: throw their books and pencils and anything else they can get their hands on at the bad guy (but not the chair or desks because they are only seven and there is no way they can lift and throw those things).

THIS IS THE DREAM

Yeah, that looks really "delicious".

Fuck, are we even trying anymore?

Crazy like a fox, maybe. Too bad the word went wide and now all the intruders know about the half-baked bean plan and can be prepared with those suits that bomb techs and attack dog trainers wear!

"We realize at first this may seem odd"

Honestly, for maximum WTF, it really should have silver dragees instead of sprinkles. And possibly a slice of vienna sausage embedded inside.

jesus, america. why do you do these things?

Spkg of food, surprise, and madness, I think I just found the second-stupidest thing ever, via an ad running on YouTube :

'quicker than you can find your beans' is my new, folky, southern way of describing something that is quick.

Canned organic food makes about as much sense as luxury cheez whiz.

Yeah the intruder will be stunned, and then what do you think they're going to do? If you guessed "Get pissed off that a bunch of kids threw shit at him and retaliate", you are correct.

No - Jesus, Alabama is one town west.

"are you fucking high?"

I am so sorry. My apologies!!

at the end of the school year, the students will all donate their rocks to the food bank.

It's like the principal watched Home Alone, and thought, "Ingenius! This could SAVE LIVES!"

If this principal wants to do things right, he the should bring Macgyver in as a consultant to teach the students how to turn what they already have in their desks into weapons. You can throw your big ass textbook that's already out on your desk quicker than you can find your beans.

Intruders pelted with cans by students: 0