“IF instant death, THEN don’t” is always a sound philosophy.

Normally if I want ice cold air blasted my way I just ask my wife a question.

a bond theme should be all about room-filling brassiness, not flaccid reedy 8 pm bad date restaurant background noise

And she’s totes hotter than your girlfriend.

Clearly it was the beavers.

followed because you have to love someone who’s honest about their desires;)

his cellphone was “stolen in Canada.”

And you know that Canadians are free-kay.

Indiana is like the gift that keeps on giving.

Every time I see a quote from Mads Mikkelsen I read it in his voice and a shiver goes down my spine.

Or while having sex with two hookers in front of a mirror while expounding on the merits of Whitney Houston—because sometimes you just need to go a little Patrick Bateman. Not full Bateman, though. NEVER go full Bateman.

I have a cross stitch sign in my bathroom that says “Please don’t do coke in the bathroom.”

I’m so done with people.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

Son? Is that you?

She’s been in all sorts of TV her career is hardly dead. Just off the top of my head 24, The West Wing, and Wet Hot American Summer.

Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr were so fantastic together in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang that I was sure Kilmer would make a turnaround in his career like Downey has. But it hasn’t happened. He’s lost a little weight, but he could lose a little more and do some really great comedy stuff like he used. Just rewatched Top…

If prayer really worked there would be more than one season of firefly.

That is the single most terrifying high-side that I’ve ever seen...