And she’s totes hotter than your girlfriend.

Clearly it was the beavers.

followed because you have to love someone who’s honest about their desires;)

his cellphone was “stolen in Canada.”

And you know that Canadians are free-kay.

Indiana is like the gift that keeps on giving.

Or while having sex with two hookers in front of a mirror while expounding on the merits of Whitney Houston—because sometimes you just need to go a little Patrick Bateman. Not full Bateman, though. NEVER go full Bateman.

I have a cross stitch sign in my bathroom that says “Please don’t do coke in the bathroom.”

I’m so done with people.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

If prayer really worked there would be more than one season of firefly.

OMG Rachel’s story makes me need to share my Chinese Restaurant Terror Lady story:

14 YOs who have to support themselves tend to wise up very early.

What a fabulous read.

Many years ago and fresh out of college I worked for Pizza Hut. I was a hard worker and caught on quickly, so the manager I had decided to promote me to a shift manager. This meant that I had limited authority over staff and would do some end of day admin work like bank deposits etc. This worked well for a while until…

Absolutely! And when you agree to help them move:

Uh... Not that I’ve ever done that myself.

Not sure what happened but I agree. Almost a high-side and a speed wobble together. Yikes.

That is the single most terrifying high-side that I’ve ever seen...