"That's what's called 'balls deep in twink ass' kids, now finish your meal. "

I spent almost all Superbowl arguing with another girlfriend there about natural vs science. She uses abrasive exfoliant on her face and when I told her I used a chemical one I though she was going to shit her pants. Her face screwed up into a tiny childlike expression and she shook her head. When I said it was fine,…

My husband had an uncle who lived in Tucson and was a total asshat in restaurants (and every other business too). He would come in the door, barking orders for this and that, refuse to pay tax and refuse to tip. If he was with someone else, they would be mortified and try to pay the tax and tip while asshat would…

I am now wondering what ritual one must perform to summon a beekeeper.

You can stop now, Midwestern Christians are not an oppressed group.

"Even more epic. Dancing in my dress while fire surrounds me.... AND CINNA."

Lies? Fuck you. I will absolutely not let Ferguson go, nor should any of us. What happened there — both the murder, and the psychotically unhinged police reaction in the weeks and months that followed — was unconscionable.

Two things:

I mean...Mr. Panther has awesome hair, but that's like number seven on the reasons I want to marry him. Numbers one through six are his annual income, duh.

Ethan has awesome hair, is the most chivalrous man I've ever met, is brilliant, well-educated, ambitious, and makes me laugh.

"okay I'm done now " "wait one more thing" "I'm not going to satisfy your need for theatrics etcetc" GIRL JUST STOOOPPPPPP.

"seasoned clothing-optional gyration specialist." Nicely done Anna. I have a few ideas

OH MY GOD THE DOLLAR STACK!! Sadly this is more common than you would think. I've encountered it several times over the years. But only once was I actually able to do anything about it.

I'm just going to share this story from last Saturday. A good money-making night- the restaurant is packed, we're trying to turn over tables. Of course half of them are fucking campers. So when another 8 top of 40 something year olds roll in, I'm begging my manager to give them to me. Bright eyed and with an imaginary…

Something, something, something, saving the bread. Save bread!

Oh, I was impressed.

We are legit terrible.

The undercurrent of boyfriend douchbaggery here is not lost on me. Either I or one of my girl friends has dated all the assholes above. All the horror and embarrassment just came flooding back. LOL. I have to laugh but only because none of us ended up saddled with these guys. We eventually sobered up enough to…

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.

solid callback, well played!