Well, that makes one of you.

You're not supposed to say you're a female.

Wait, you had to choose between being a partner at a law firm and contributing to Deadspin?

Maybe you shouldn't have gone to such a crappy law school.

You're like the guy version of Burneko.

Looks like someone doesn't follow Arena Football very closely.

Who would want to live in a low-tax jurisdiction where it never snows.

There's no way that dog said all of that.

That's pretty much every marathon I've ever run.

Tom Mees: Steve Olin

Another thing you can do is not be so fat.

Oh christ.

Interesting. Good chatting with you. Thanks, Kinja!

Thanks, that means a lot coming from you. I was, I was. But my love of the bard goes back even further.

Wow, that is fantastic. Were you an English major or something?

This is much ado about nothing. They just thought he had a February face.

Vegas just lost its house edge. Now what's he going to pee on?

9. If you don't regularly break 90, suddenly get sick the morning of the round.

Bird shot an absurd 81.8 percent from the field