We debated this one for a while trying to parse out Scherzer’s exact string of words, though some of them are pretty obvious. I think we’ve settled on “fucking bastard motherfucking bitch motherfucker” and now I can’t see it any other way.

Baltimore Sports and Life ftw.

Scooter being your favorite Muppet Baby is even more rare than hitting 4 home runs in one game.

Both the mom and the police were confused, of course, as being in a car crash is actually more popular than Scooter from the Muppet Babies.

Let’s Remember Mike Cameron

Must not drink often then ha. That’s just getting warmed up.

Oh, I guess that’s why they made a financially significant number of Scooter Gennett jerseys.

I’ve got an unreasonable liking for Rex Ryan. I think he’s a fun guy and would be great to meet. So double fuck that cheap money grabbing asshole.

This has got to really piss Brandon Phillips off.

As a Wisconsinite that almost killed a Brit that tried to outdrink me, I would have called that amount breakfast.... on Tuesday.

Well I would’ve run home and retrieved Glamdring, then run back so that I may smote those bastards like the filthy orcs they are!

And I am certain that--when called to account for your own bravado, so fiercely displayed in a comment section appended to a Deadspin article--you will perform with style, panache, and not the first ounce of licentious libation in your veins.

May we all be so pure of heart and fierce of conviction as you, o keeper of…

That was him Britishly ethering his drinking buddy.

In the battle of fictional superspies, Jason Bourne ends Bond with extreme prejudice.

Fine. Here’s more Bowles from the same story I linked in that quote:

Steve Coogan is a genius. This guy is a doofus.

She also doesn’t sound like a she, unless Andrew became a popular female name while I wasn’t paying attention.

Agreed. Involuntary reactions to being tickled are totally fine, and if someone is hurt by one it is their fault. But a lot of these just sound like she reacted after being tickled and decided to be a dick to people.

I think the real question is whether or not he saw Nixon as he was dying.