That shit doesn't actually taste like apples, you fraud-enabling bastard.

Don't slit your wrists with your edginess.

"I HATE THIS FUCKING TEAM!!! ... Oh, here is good? Well thanks for choosing Uber and don't forget to leave a review."

He can read?

So how does that make him any different than anyone else who inhabits that stadium?

I have a feeling when I die and go to heaven I'm going to see a pending approval at the gates.

I counted 5 times in a row.

Are you sure it wasn't just a Vine?

Maybe I should hold myself to a higher standard, guy who named himself after Bells Palsy.

Genital warts has a better chance of slowing down Sammy Watkins.

I'm a Browns fan, too, and I don't want to see the Browns.

Daaaamn. He made Lew Toller look like..... Lew Toller?

Correction: you don't want to see the Browns.

Meanwhile in St. Louis...

To be fair, who the fuck has heard of a Lew Toller?

Given the state of the Jets' franchise, the logical choice is Proctologist Dave.

He really does it to fend off the slurs hurled at him by his rival, Trey Urugay.

I did that too when I was 12. My coach always asked why I was crying in left field.

Fitting that he's a Sun Devil, given that he's clearly proud about the very thing that will send his soul to hell.

Donald Sterling also was officially named World's Biggest #2