Because when you want hard-hitting perspective about how the world really works, you go to a 24 year old blond who's putting together an audition reel for a sweet FoxNews gig.

“I’m strapped in for the good shit, Tomi. Fuck me up.”

(Given that she’s a hot blonde white chick from the heartland who went to college in Vegas, there’s a pretty decent chance that that video already exists in the wild)

Ok you know what, I can count the number of people on one hand that I’ve ever called a cunt in my entire life, it’s not a word I use lightly.

Lucky you. I’ve been here for years and I’m still waiting to be ungreyed.

Billy really is doing God’s work. #MakeAmericaBrannigan

I'm assuming that show would be 471% better if there was no audio at all times and they just gesticulated with their hands and mouthparts.

But if they’re family then you don’t have to pay them.

That was my takeaway. He is now off the list.

Soooooo... this is his way of turning down the VP slot w/o saying it out loud?

the opportunity to choose something more outside the red-and-blue party system

It would be horribly tragic if my ability to protect myself or my family were to be taken away, but that’s exactly what Democrats are determined to do by banning semi-automatic handguns.

You need someone 'to face you' if they give you a less-than-optimal tip? Wow, I can't possibly imagine why you might have gotten a small tip. Were you gonna beat him up or something?

Upon hearing that Stephen A. realized the Onion was satire, Skip Bayless immediately stated that it was in fact a legitimate paper and Smith didn't know what he was talking about.

Scott Van Pelt

Peeps got jokes.

at least at Penn State they propably won't let him wip out his package infront of the guys....or,at least make sure they are all of age...

Maybe this was the moment Stewart Scott decided to switch careers.

Not at all. He's a blatant misogynist, whereas Eric Kester just seems like a pretty funny dude who I wouldn't mind hanging out with.

I don't give a fuck if this is comically exaggerated or completely made up. This was one of the funniest things I've ever read. Seriously.

Even though I was, by far, the shortest kid in my class and had shown zero ability to play basketball on anything but an Intellivision, my mother insisted on putting me in the Naval Academy Basketball Camp every summer in the mid-1980s. My dear, misguided, slightly-twisted mother thought that I would somehow grow to…