Here's one of many for Pierce Arrow.

Well, when you come right down to it, tying Nell to the railroad tracks isn't really profitable.

Beluga whale? Like hell. Give me one of these with a checker-green interior. Granted, it doesn't have the dong shape-itude of a real creeper, but it's an Acura. Acura's not been the best for dong-cars of late.

To be fair, those things fade and scrape up like all hell. Though "let's rugburn the kid" doesn't strike me as a cogent solution.

I wonder if cribbing from Audi is ever as nice as having insane Nazi scientists on your side.

And so, because of the automated and irrevocable decision-making process which rules out human meddling, the Acura headlights are terrifying and simple to understand... and completely credible and convincing.

According to Bender, extortion is a better word than blackmail because "the X makes it sound cool". 90s-me sees no flaw in this argument.

This isn't a gift suggestion so much for the kid as for the kid-and-parent: soapbox derby car supplies.

For normal people, that would be thinking outside the box. I'm pretty sure your box *is* a Gulf livery GT40.

I speak as someone who's seen them used as gear shifters on cars, specifically a Series IIa Land Rover. I imagine any car likely to snap a shifter stick is even better than normal to have a pair in.

Most fleets have required ugliness.

Lots of slippery slopes have right tracks. We call that a rally.

Vise-Grips. When you absolutely, positively have to either crush something or lock down on a damaged fastener. Also useful for reshaping metal. Name brand, too, store-brand copies tend to have poor jaw fit and lock badly.

Also possibly #thirdworlddictatorshoppinginthefirstworldproblems.

Hell, if going treaded, I'd use one of these for a shopping trip. Good enough power to weight ratio to jump, though little out-and-out hooning footage is available.

Combined with my suggestion, I do believe we've solved it. Protip: blade strafe before landing, then none of the cars you're landing on top of will move.

https://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&ll=33.986641,-78.673096&spn=0.817575,1.363678&t=h&z=10

There are quite a few places where the incautious motorist could die even going 50. Not die by mild overreach and hanging a barrier, but "screaming into the air and plunging directly down into a forest 300 ft below" die. It's a great road with lots of twisties, but there are long enough stretches downhill to make…

Well, a 500 doesn't have gooney stilt legs, which are the best feature for shopping parking. That's easy to fix, but you're still left with a helo that can't haul several years worth of holiday shopping, just an afternoon's worth.

We like to call the combat squad on board "Santa's little helpers". Jingle all the way, baby. In Soviet Russia, Christmas anticipates YOU.