I think you mean prosecution.

Strangely, Blazer’s recollection of that conversation is highly accurate:

My hangover friend is strong like bear! Prepare me for to see pretty girl in nighttime!

I like this guy so far and I'm deeply conflicted about that. I've been conditioned to hate all league commissioners and I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that this guy doesn't seem like an asshole.

Allegedly.

I’m pretty sure that’s just a picture of CC Sabathia’s stint with the Brewers.

Nolan Arenando being in fifth place is a fucking travesty.

This isn’t anything unusual. A sexual donut is known as a “Pittsburgh Nooner.”

“If I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test, then I fail a drug test.”

Not the birthplace of Rock & Roll... just the home of a weird AC/DC museum.

You're running stories about injuries to third round picks? When did Deadspin buy into the non-stop NFL news machine? I expect this shit from other outlets, but not the one that intelligently goes after Goodell.

Boöbs

Don't drag the dude from Möterhead into this.

I think Night Riders may be more appropriate if Ole Miss ever decided to change their name.

Oh man. This sketch is an absolute mess. SNL writers need to take a minute and ask themselves “what’s the joke here?”

You have no idea what the best evidence rule is, do you?

With this injury, I’m afraid that Burrows will see No Action tonight.

Whatever. Andy Reid would literally walk across a parking lot for that hot dog.

He looks like Gorman Thomas.

This isn't over. If he lives up to his potential, I expect a lawsuit sometime in 2020 alleging that the Cubs acted in bad faith and asking that he be declared a free agent early.