Same.

I love the ocean. Love it.

See, what you just described is basically a liberal with a sense of fiscal responsibility. My shorthand for those people is “grownup”.

Two ladies?

Huh.

I think we’re all misunderstanding this quote. Trump’s not “trying” in the sense that he’s attempting to succeed. He’s “trying” in the sense that he’s difficult and hard to endure.

So this luncheon was really a Dinner for Schmucks-inspired prank on these socialites, right?

You don’t wanna fuck with public television.

I live in New York and have a gym membership that costs $60/month. I can go whenever I like for as long as I like, and can attend any classes* they have. This is not a brag, this is me expressing consternation at the idea that you need to have some expansive rainbow of group exercise options when you can just join the…

The only part that baffled my personal elitist sensibilities is that she has somehow managed to have never heard of Ted Cruz even though he’s been running for president for the past 684 consecutive months. That’s a level beyond just “not following politics.”

If the hand dryer is flinging your poop around the room, then perhaps you could use a refresher course on the hand washing part of the bathroom experience.

Oddly enough, the men tasked with imagining clothes of the future wouldn’t look a bit out of place in 2016 wearing the suits they have on in this newsreel.

You’ve got a nice, crisp Tubman coming your way some day.

Looks like it’s going to be a long summer of recycled content on my chub rub fetish boards.

Negligent homicide would do the trick without twisting the legal definition of murder.

I’d bet you’re probably doing your taxes wrong, too.

The cheapest Coachella pass this year is $629, so...

If only the IRS would accept some sort of electronically filed returns, I bet it would be a real hit with young folks.

That shit happened in 2009?!?

But what kind of handjob was it? Original recipe? Extra crispy? SKINLESS?!?