Now watch Candace Cameron Bure (DJ) and her two TV sisters try to bust these moves.

This stuff is to pop music what the uncanny valley effect is to computer graphics.

My brother never registered to vote because my mother and sister discouraged him from doing so. Believe me, it’s for the best.

And just like your aunt who “likes” Walmart on Facebook, she gets to vote.

“How am I going to explain bikinis to my daughter?!?”, says the man whose daughter will not be allowed near a pool or beach.

I was recently paired with some millennials who asked if I minded “some tunes” as we played.

Watson, you devil.

Easiest way to tell if a store is owned by an American? Ask them to point out literally anyplace else on a map.

Doctors are way more lax about this shit than moms are.

It’s almost like if you have to talk about something enough times on the record, you’ll eventually say something that isn’t quite right and probably isn’t even really what you meant so the internet can pounce on it.

Sounds like Christmas is launching an offensive against streaming porn Netflix.

Why just white devils? #alldevilsmatter

Ever see a wild turkey in The Bronx? I did, once. If I had to pardon a turkey, I’d go find him.

Poor Tim Hasselbeck.

In a sense, yes. In that the workers together form the proletariat, which runs the government, etc. The main thing is that the means of production are not in private hands in a Communist state.

Communism is the one where the government owns the means of production.

L-i-v-i-n, man.

I’m always amazed that more rich dudes like this don’t check out of their careers and then just fuck off to do whatever they want. To me that’s the whole point of being rich.

I’m a man and I pooped twice this morning. Never let it be said that I don’t go all out for holidays.

You’ve gotta be a weird cat to have a kid who’s worried that someone’s not thinking of the children.