But surely down-the-pants groping could still be on the table?

There was copious grinding at my 8th grade dance in 1992! Lots of ass to crotch action, and somehow we ended up ok.

Kids - take the bonfire. You can show up to that thing high as fuck and nobody will notice because you’re standing next to a big-ass fire in the dark. And then wander off to fool around in the woods!

I’m pretty sure if you look at the passenger manifest, that boat was nothing BUT crackers.

Yes, let’s allocate funding to the maintenance of flimsy temporary poop shacks. Ashes to ashes, motherfucker.

Hold on - 16,500 square feet?!? My sister-in-law’s house is about 6,000 (with an open floor plan) and every time I’m there I think of what a massive waste of energy it is to heat and cool all that space. I can’t even fathom 16,500.

I just started thinking about my high school girlfriend and then how that was a long time ago and then remembered that holy shit she didn’t even have a cordless phone in her house let alone the Internet and now I’m old and my knee hurts for no reason.

Hey, girl. I like what you have to say on this subject. Let’s hang out and get some pizza or something.

This comment is literally everything that conservatives fear liberals want the government to do.

Tim Allen has a new show? Weird.

This is shameful. We all agree. Now on to more pressing issues...

I hear you. I’m advocating mornings because there’s less of a chance for regular life bullshit to get in the way when you knock it out first thing. Don’t even give the world a chance to derail you.

Instead of, not in addition to.

Work out in the morning.

“You’ll get eggs in your belly, just like Easter,”

I can’t even imagine how you could whip yourself into enough of a frenzy to bother making a sign and heading to a demonstration in favor of a language.

Psst...we actually are allowed to teach our kids the wrong names of colors. It’s almost like you don’t have to outlaw everything you personally find objectionable!

Disagree. A double windsor is an enormous knot that requires a long tie and a very spread collar to pull off. Merrill Hodge rocks a double windsor, for reference.

Balding rock critics are unable to think clearly because the hair is what holds in your intelligence. I’m balding and it took me 7 tries to type this, so I should know.

“Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever!” - a homophobe who identifies with racists