photographer-cum-professional pervert

None. There are absolutely zero First Amendment implications unless the government is involved. No idea why it's even mentioned in the post, since it's not in the quote.

Agreed, except for your needless slight against jalapeño poppers. They are delicious.

The reaction is fake, but the look inside of his actual grown-man home is all too real.

The idea that men didn't wank at any point in time - available partners or not - is historically inaccurate.

The lady who was reading Modern Farmer magazine on the elliptical at my gym (in Brooklyn) yesterday is going to be so excited.

Who said grossed out? I just don't like that feeling where you get a pubic hair stuck in the back of your throat. It's unpleasant! Why on Earth would anything about that infuriate you?

Best reason to trim for your partner? Two words: throat pubes.

What about "trim" as an option? Like, no real sculpting, just what you already have but shorter?

Joke. It was a joke.

It's not offensive at all unless you happen to have a categorical problem with innuendo. Which is a bit nuts.

You seem very very angry about a joke that was made in slightly poor taste. But at least you threw in some ALLCAPS and "unnecessary" quotation marks for emphasis so we'd know not to take you seriously.

I'd prefer to wallow in my manufactured faux-outrage, thank you very much.

My grandparents are all dead. Maybe you should check your grandparent privilege.

Thank you. Yes.

If you enjoyed that, watch for the next time Lalas and Michael Ballack are on set together. Seething hatred.

Oh, come on. She's obviously full of shit.

This is a correct and relevant statement on 4K porn.

If the potential future viability of one's penis is at stake, there's no such thing as shame.

Yeah, but at what temperature is it no longer safe for me to pee outside? Your male readership demands this vital information.