“the average amount of time it takes to fornicate is 20-30 minutes”

That has literally zero bearing on this story, or in life. As a person with 4 wonderful parents who raised me, it is insulting to make that comment. 

Don’t be cheap here--you know full well I didn’t use it to mean they’re paupers. No one deserves this shit. It doesn’t matter how much money they do or don’t have.

A someone who has coincidentally slept only with uncut guys, please take your body shaming of uncircumsised guys elsewhere. Your single experience has everything to do with that guy’s hygiene. Anyone's genitals can reek if they don't wash. 

A lot of people like putting things that vibrate in or near their vaginas, and how well that works depends very much on their intentions

“Don’t put herbs in your vagina! Please!”

“Don’t put herbs in your vagina!”

Growing up, I thought Tyra Banks was fun, silly, and grounded. As I got older, I feel like she’s actually narcissistic, eager to be a victim (in the, “Omg, I can relate, I wore a fat suit for two hours” kind of way) and delusional. Like, does she even know what she’s talking about right now? Does she?

Garrett, your Dirt Bags (and your other writing on Jezebel) are the perfect balance of funny and kind. I admire your ability to *gently* poke fun. They should have you write all week!

I used to think like her, like I was safe because I made better choices, didn’t drink, didn’t “let” men treat me certain ways. It’s a mental defense mechanism that allows her to think she is safe when she absolutely is not. The reality that you can be assaulted at any time just going about your daily life as a woman…

I want to study her and understand how someone winds up with these opinions.

The one about how if she were a man, she’d insist on having women sign a consent form before sex - it’s maddening. It assumes there’s no such thing as revoking consent, no such thing as an encounter starting out consensual and then turning…

Exactly! Why aren’t more men offended by this take? It’s saying you’re a vicious, amoral predator who can’t be trusted alone with any woman! That’s a terrible thing to say about someone.

Going on a podcast, which the jury will almost not be allowed to listen to, is not defending your client. She is either saying this because she genuinely believes it, or because she knows that there is money to be made from saying it in terms of future work. 

The unspoken part of these arguments is that it makes all men out to be assholes. If you honestly believe in the “You went to a guy’s hotel room, what did you expect?” you’re admitting that a) you think the victim is an idiot and b) all men are devious predators.

Untruth in a private text to a colleague is worth that much? Seems like this sets a troubling precedent.  Legal-literates, can you expand on this?

Is Kimmie the Karmic Konduit not in possession of a hand tanner? how embarrassing- trotter and muzzle do not match.

Wait, so this baby is only like eight months old? I’m pretty sure you can’t pick a person’s dominant hand that early.

Yes, it has a name.  It was the piggy that stayed home.  

I am an amateur. I knew it was one of the Kardashians by looking at the dress.

I knew it was one of the Kardashians just by looking at shoes, this is getting out of hand.