No, Yelp and Google probably payed a ton of money to lobby this bill. Don’t get too excited!

Men are terrible. I'm glad I'm a guy, because if I was a woman I'd never ever date. Ever. It blows my mind that any woman would want anything to do with us.

I see a lot of commentary on this - all of it good - that "Dads who have daughters should read this!" or whatever.

Look, frankly, if you are not an aeronautical/hydraulic/electronic etc., engineer involved in this program then you really don't have any idea of what you are talking about. You and every other armchair quarterback should put that chair into recline mode and take a nap. Let the experts work this out. I'm just glad I…

No no no, it's very wholesome. For a generation of Americans, Ronnie was basically the non-abusive-yet-still-present father they never had.

"After further review, it has been determined that the ball carrier was not facing Mecca at the time of his celebration; therefore the penalty stands."

If your 3-year old understood your explanation for the punishment, why don't you just tell her what she did is wrong without the spanking? Your argument seems to be that your child is smart enough to process the explanation for being punished like that but not smart enough to understand it without the punishing. You…

THIS...IS...SPARTA!

Reporter: Did you see Welker eat drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker smoke drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker inject drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Did you see Welker snort drugs?
Brady: Nope.
Reporter: Is Dan Shaughnessy an asshole?
Brady: Weeeeelll...

So much for the slow boat to China.

Can we please have more Anna Torv on TV?

Obligatory.

Not at all. I don't torture myself for the sake of suffering. My goal is to have really powerful connections to the earth.

No they won't. They are very different from 2 hr half marathoners.

Zeus hates selfies. Mortals. Go now, and tell your people.

Goodell: [loads Deadspin.com]

We all know our justice system is fucked up. The NFL isn't constrained by the same backlog or bureaucracy, and if it wants to make a statement, there's nothing stopping it.

I've yet to see anyone suggest what the appropriate number of games would have been. I agree that 2 seems too short, but would 4 appease everyone? 6? 8?

Pitchfork? Amateur.

Do you hear the people sing?