It's not supposed to be something that you take very often.

I actually saved the NY Times article that came out on April 5 because I loved his quotes so much. This is quite possibly the kind of person who could've inspired me to become a lawyer when I was in college. There's very little legalese in his opinion, just straight talk.

Tell the company with the interview that you have another offer (grad school can count as an offer), that you really like the company, and would appreciate it if they could accelerate the process for you (i.e., a quick thumbs up or thumbs down), so that you can make a decision. If they won't budge for you, then they…

Notice how he stops reaching for the sausage when it's clearly out of reach and gives his owner a look as if to say, "O.K., your turn to push it closer now."

I loooove turning off my email.

It used to be called "Home Economics."

I hope he comes out alive.

Anything will do.

This isn't even the real Tom Hanks. He was eaten from the inside by an alien that is now inhabiting his body. He will never grow old and he will never die. Soon, every movie made will star Tom Hanks FOREVER.

I keep thinking of the Boston bombing and the fact that police marched through every single resident's home looking for two bombers, but if only one or two women are missing, we can't or won't send police through people's homes to find them—even after people called the police and reported weird things going on in the…

Miley Cyrus won.

Do the Olsen twins ever smile? Ever??? Why are they so saaaaaddd?

Conservatives think that girls under 17 (or 15) will pop these things like candy and start humping every boy in the playground — probably because that's exactly what they would do. Conservatives can't stop thinking about sex. Pervs.

Solid color dresses are boring. I want to see some great prints, beadwork, or patterns.

Like David Byrne once said, "People will you remember you better if you always wear the same outfit."

A book? Oh gawd, that's why she's putting us, I mean herself, through this. She's not the type to find someone on Match.com unless he's the CEO of Match.com... Oh, wait. She just did.

Probably one of her assistants wrote it for her.

I was a much better student before the internets came along.

Does the discussion box flicker like crazy for anyone else using Safari? Might give me a seizure.

I consider it a service to others by way of warning them against ever hiring, dating, marrying, or befriending this guy. I hope this is the first article on every Google search of his name.