I am saying exactly that. It's okay, I am now married to her little brother's first girlfriend, so it all works out.

Nope, but I am a little sarcastic.

Maybe it has vegans in it.

Not that it was smart to do or anything, but she probably forgot. Some people have over 1,000 friends and will add anyone who requests. I only have about 300 and I still forget I'm friends with some people until they randomly like a status once a year or so. So, I'm willing to believe she just completely forgot she…

they're called Haliburton.

Malia shares her birthday with my Dad and my really, really dead first dog, Jazzy. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

Exactly! It seems like a pretty well-worn trope that strong black women invariably have their femininity attacked. No surprise that this is playing well with the Tea People.

I'm also going to add racism to that, and you basically have your main dickweed categories.

I'm sorry. I also wish I could post weird sex things and cute animals all day, but breaking news is breaking news.

They also took out two Life Insurance policies on the baby totaling about $27,000.

I'm sorry, but your headline really oversold it. This is approximately the level terror this inspired:

I realize this is the fault of the MLB video and not deadspin, but there's something wrong with watching a 25 second commercial, only to get to the main feature which is only 27 seconds long...

As Mrs. Spock would.

But doesn't it make sense to bring a mitt to a game if you're going to be in those screaming-foul-ball-zooming-at-your-head-at-5,000mph seats? I'd argue yes.

So it IS Budweiser

And when I try to give my beer soaked balls to a young girl they lock me up.

Big white girls always be trying to get a brother's balls.

It actually wasn't a foul ball. At least not until after it got Budweiser splashed all over it.

She better not try riding a bike in Germany.

Not only was my spelling terrible, but I just walked right into that one!