Burt. When you stare into the pizza, the pizza stares into you.

That's because "supper" is the worst fucking word in the English language. Fuck supper.

"Their courtship culminated in Lumar asking for her father's hand in marriage."

Clair Huxtable, Harriet Winslow, and Roseanne Connor raised me when my mother decided she had better things to do. I owe them a lot.

Clair Huxtable is why I'm a lawyer. I wanted to be her. I even moved to NYC. She was my childhood hero!

My husband and I have, during arguments, yelled at the other versions of, "I hope the next shit you take is unsatisfying! I hope you work really hard, and it's tiny! And I hope you don't realize there's no toilet paper and you don't realize until after so you have to apologize to me so I will bring you another roll!"

Once you're a mother— and you'll never get this until you push a bowling ball out of your cooter— but once you're a mother, you will not think anything to do with babies is ever funny ever. You will only cherish their little lives and not be such a dark, sadistic, vile Cruella De Ville monster as you are.

Meh. They're little fuckers.

As a matter of fact, you are taking this way too seriously.

I know what you're talking about, "visa sleeves". I see these dudebros at the club all the time, where they still live at home with their parents but somehow have $3000 worth of tattoos on their arms that they didn't have the month before #Priorities #YOLO #Istillusehashtagswhennotontwitter #comeatme

I don't mind how they look, but I hate the fuckers that want to take them out in public and it smells like cheese fucked shit. Ugh, disgusting.

Hi Yoga Nerd. Haven't seen you since we talked about ADD and pregnancy awhile back. It is weird because I was going to post this same thing only with the opposite view.

You know that Johnny Werzner kid - the kid who delivers papers in the

yes mark hoppus, there is. a romper is shorts, a jumpsuit is pants, and both get constant side eye from me and are judged on a case by case basis, starting with negative points.

#FOXWontLetMeWearPants

Rare steak is gross.

We were in a family-friendly restaurant, around 6:30pm, and I was wearing a loose-fitting, long sleeve shirt, jeans, and no makeup...so I'm not sure where the confusion arose as to what kind of service you were being provided.

I don't know what's going on with this necklace, but I fucking love it. It's like crazy cyborg jewelry.

Pinkham, you should chime in on this — Darden is notorious for its treatment (read: mistreatment of servers. There's even a campaign to help good customers (i.e. those who agree that $2.-something per hour is not a living wage) make a statement whenever they eat at a Darden restaurant. http://www.dignityatdarden.org/

I'm not waitstaff, but I'd like the floor a minute.