I dunno, Young Helen Mirren—I'mma call this one a draw.

I give Tim McGraw a pass, because if someone reached up and grabbed — or even tried to grab — my crotch-area I would do way worse than slap them. Instinctually.

My vote is- if someone smacks you in the genitals, you have a free pass. I didn't watch the video though, because I was worried I might be subjected to Tim McGraw's music.

yeah though for someone who gets really really sick from dairy and soy products almond milk is kind of a lifesaver—the mother jones article kind of rubbed me the wrong way becuase it assumed that most people were opting for almond milk becuase of moral/ethical reasons and not just plain allergy-related ones. That…

The only vibe I got from The Lost Boys was that he had more chemistry with with Keifer Sutherland than his romantic lead Jami Gertz.

JESSICA CAN WE PLEASE CHANGE OUR BYLINES TO THESE NAMES PLEASE? FOR MY BIRTHDAY NEXT MONTH THIS IS ALL I WANT. "Dirt Bag by Callie Buttman"

The best way to remove a clown is napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.

Look, I'm getting a penguin at my cocktail hour so I'm clearly a special snowflake (as is every bride who gets married at my venue since it's only $100 more on top of the venue rental which is pretty small potatoes when you're planning a wedding; if you don't let your parents invite two random friends, the penguin is…

I have been stricken with many a shit boyfriend.

I hear they have a hut set aside for us crones. I'll bring the good box wine!

I always snicker when I see "kids are people" as if it's something that's supposed to change my mind. I don't let other people bite me, throw things at me or on my floors, or act as if I should cave to their every whim— all of which I have seen kids do when they are well past the age when that behavior is expected.

That's obviously a demon.

Have at: http://www.dissentmagazine.org/article/a-righ…

Keep in mind that Maradona and Fat Ronaldo kissed the cup before you go worrying about its purity.

Well, if there's double-fisting occurring I generally expect it's Germans doing it, anyway...

Things I didn't think I'd see today:

I mean, Mascherano may not get the gold ball, but he at least could use some gold bond powder for that TORN ASSHOLE.

I haven't had it in years, but when I was a kid, that was my thing.