Oooh, thanks for this. It's from Whites, right? Now I know what I'm doing with my weekend...

"The commentary behind this show is a reflection of who we are today," said Allen. "We all become 'users' and in the end, we become 'used'."

I am also dumb because I typed "an dumb name." C'est la vie, but at least I'm not a fratbrah.

That's how most of us deal with it. Or he could make the best fucking ketchup in the world and wow us all and make a billion dollars. Instead, he's opening a bistro with an dumb name and dumb rules.

[And I totally get the 'doused in extraneous sauces' thing, because at this same restaurant we made our own tofu ranch…

BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH

Salsa, and the real hip places are all about the tomato jam or chutney. Both of which, by the way, are stellar.

I once was told this amazing story by a gentleman who had worked in the industry in New York in decades past. At one particular establishment, he served a lady an omelette. The customer in question requested ketchup, but the restaurant was a fancy shmancy French joint and didn't allow the stuff anywhere near the…

Maybe the creepiest gif ever.

Aioli is just fucking mayonnaise with garlic. So mayo is okay if he spiffs it up with garlic and tarragon and probably a little lemon juice, but ketchup is verboten?

[House-made ketchup is super delicious and REALLY EASY FOR (MOST) RESTAURANTS (and less hands-on than aioli) because you probably have all the…

I bet he's got an artist statement on his menus.

UGH, CHICAGO. I just moved here and am trying SO HARD TO LIKE YOU but you are SO FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL in every way.

[Of course, the city is roughly equivalent, population-wise, to the entire state I just moved from. So I'm cutting you some slack, Chicago, for the time being. (Obviously the opinions of late-twenties…

If I were Serena Van Der Humphrey, I would be. Like, CONSTANTLY.

I like you. What are your fave online sex-toy purveyors? Someone needs a new vibrator.

Some at least co-write— Ke$ha and T. Swift (I KNOW RITE) were both in the songwriting game before they became famous artists in their own right. But I'm willing to bet you're at least 90% correct.

I wanna drink wine with her and JT alll niiiight and like, play ukuleles and make hilarious jokes about the '90 and shit. Then we'll meet up for a morning hot yoga sesh and bitch about how hung over we are over mimosas afterwards.

.... Aren't they all sociopaths?

SRSLY DOC R.

I really didn't want to, but I found myself blasting "Trouble" or whatever that song is in my car the other day, and now it's RAINING ON MY FACE. *sniffle*

You're okay, Swiz.

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT CINNAMON? Seriously, Wyoming and Alaska? It's just fucking weird.

I can testify that yes, yes you do.