The Auburn-Opelika News has done this before...

It's a sad day when someone can't make a "people in Mississippi are really goddamn racist" joke without having to apologize.

"He said he had his fill of football and that he likes to walk and wander, and he was looking for a warmer place," Ortega said.

Oh, fuck. +1

"... it's about the journey, not the beer."

It looks like an optical illusion. The tesseract of side dishes, a pork-dimensional hyperfood. You enter Wendy's to eat this and exit from a gas station bathroom in a desert 4,000 miles away wondering which of your memories are real and which were implanted.

Correct. That was a dumb question.

These Derek Jeter send-offs just get more and more emotional.

Don't fret, brokenhearted fans. Visitor hours in Montgomery County jails are very generous, so you can visit All Day.

That's under the 'Donte' Stallworth' section.

Also, it's good with the press.

Lacky: "Welker popped Molly"

Some people are not as dedicated to thoroughness in their rankings, I guess.

On two occasions, my son managed to fall asleep in the shopping cart at the grocery.

When ordering a beer do it in a funny accent (like Borat) or quote a movie like Anchorman. Everyone will think you are funny and original.

What a relief after that asshole Dorn pranked Wood with the old red card in the locker trick.

*LIST ONLY VALID IF YOU EAT CEREAL FOR INCONTINENCE

This is just awful and wrong.

TIM MARCHMAN DOES NOT SPEAK FOR THE REST OF THE DEADSPIN STAFF.

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU