NFL: "Nigger" is a bad word that drags us back to the days of slavery. Now step on this scale and run the 40 yard dash so we can measure your physical attributes and let rich white men decide where you get to live and work.

Baseball Stars > R.B.I.

Eli: (sends picture)

Well at least this settles the whole debate about whether D.C. is a Northern town or a Southern town . . . . putting your balls in the hands of your Cousins is a time-honored tradition in the South.

This is really weird. Cousins from Kentucky shouldn't have a problem with slapping some skin.

Due to budgetary cutbacks, it's actually how Grambling relays the offensive coordinator's call from the booth to the sideline.

After seeing those earrings, it's hard to argue with that criminal accessory charge.

Horseradish too low, ketchup too high.

...and Joe Pesci was never invited back to host Miss USA again.

Should've been you, Cunt.

Wyatt Derp