At this point the only way he appeals to women voters is by transitioning from a figurative dildo into a literal one.

Any shame I might have at never being better at anything than Ryan Lochte is at swimming is somewhat mitigated by knowing I am way better at peeing on a gas station wall than he seems to be.

Jill Stein makes a lot more sense if you assume she is in the process of pitching a reality show where she goes into practice with Ben Carson for the 2017 Upfronts.

Dude is dynamite at the bobsled though.

I would love to hear a crowd yell “signature shout” after every chop.

Boy, y’all are going to be sorry for making fun of Max Johnson when they finally start giving out medals for masturbating on your couch.

Nuh uh... and if I was, they’d be tears of joy. ;^)

Way harsh. Hope it got better.

If you want a sneak peak (presumably) and haven’t seen it, her story for The Moth is my favorite:

Please be an organ donor.

Good hair now cares...

Trump supporters are laughing at Cher for misspelling ‘your’.

“What the hell is going on here? What have I got myself into?”

In the Dreamtime one must eat the rose to become the rose.

Nice to know that every so often Dusty Rhodes put hard times on Dusty Rhodes...

Finally! The secret agent thriller cum abstinance allegory I’ve been waiting for my whole life!!!

I ain’t afraid of no MRAs...

Ah yes, that age old civil right: how to fire a rifle properly...

I, for one, always link to Jezebel!

I think we can all agree that everything’s been going downhill since The Big Bang.