What I'm wearing these days (in a Large, yes it comes in sizes!)

I'm playing the hipster card here - I've been wearing sunscreen since I was 11.

HATS HATS HATS.

I got past that. I live in south-western Ontario, where the summer months regularly have temperatures in the mid 30s (mid 90s Fahrenheit, I think) and where the entire area is surrounded by beaches. By May, I am the palest person around. I just decided a long time ago to stop letting myself care about that. Now I…

My mom was just diagnosed with skin cancer for the second time on an area of her body that was burned once and hasn't seen the light of day since 1960.

For the life of me, I will never understand why pale-skinned women don't just embrace it. Seriously- hats rock! You'll stay looking younger for longer! Plus, when pictures are taken of you in a white dress on a sunny day, you blend into parts of your dress in a really neat photo effect. Come on- reject the mandate…

Babies definitely do not need merkins.

My friend just looked over at this and exclaimed 'white baby problems.'

Eh, this has already been done as Baby Toupees:

This. And so eloquently spoken. If I could click 'recommend' more than once, you'd be up to at least 100 by now.

So much this! I can't figure out when or why middle-class people started thinking their weddings needed to be lavish expensive affairs that cost more than a college education at a moderately priced state school. Was Diana and Charles? Martha Stewart? InStyle Weddings? I don't get it. Getting married has become…

Omar comin'!

Yeah, if he's totally bored with it, doesn't care, just wants to get over it, it makes me kind of nervous.

Not to mention that peacocks are fucking asshole birds who poop everywhere, peck at children, and whose shrieks sound like drowning toddlers. There is no reason to bring those monstrosities to any celebration ever.

I somehow totally didn't know that guests give money gifts and was really surprised by how much we were given, but even so the vast majority of our friends didn't give us anything other than super dancing, looking amazing, being brilliant, etc. It was AMAZING (and on what I now find out is a budget that's a tenth of…

I'd like this:

Cost aside, anyone who wants an albino version of one of the most colorful animals is an idiot.

If you're going to have peacocks at your wedding, make sure that it isn't mating season.

Preach, Pope!