No need to listen to the clip — let me sum up every Howard Stern interview with any woman ever.

I'd appreciate a bit of variety. She's written the same song about 4 or 5 times now.

I love her, I do, but it feels like all of her songs from the last few years have been "exposing" the superficiality and danger of the pop world.

Yep. My biggest worry, honestly, is money. I don't want to bring a child up in a cramped one-room apartment. I don't want to want to bring a child up on a low 5-figure salary. I'd like to feel ready to properly care for a life.

Booo! Babies suck!

First, nobody gets to tell me when to have kids. Obviously.

Also one time I bought a homeless person a sandwich and I'm upset that they didn't like that particular kind of sandwich because while I'm allowed to have food preferences or allergies, homeless people aren't.

Of course, of course. You know, I once gave a dollar to a homeless person and I suspect that they bought something I didn't want them to, so they should probably all be rounded up and shot, y'know?

SHE RUNS THINGS THINGS DON'T RUN WE.

Ah, yes: "This is their culture. They are all like this. In China everybody beats up homeless people with sexual stick figure tattoos. Also I'm not a racist."

These are all of my thoughts.

Wait — let me guess: a horrifying combination of racism and classicism?

Yep. It can be a great place to shop for clothes, but I meant specifically the bad reject sale section where everything's not *quite* right.

It kind of looks like Katy Perry got her dress off of a ModCloth sale section.

Too bad he's not in it (FOREVER LINEMOUTH)

I'm talking to Eccleston. But I love you, too, Burt.

My love for you grows by the hour.

Absolutely — and that's the problem. If it's men, we shrug and say, "Oh, people can be so cruel." But when it's women, it's something to be addressed and to clutch our pearls over. "Boys will be boys," but women have to stay in line.

This never ceases to make me happy (read: aroused).

I most certainly didn't.