That's mighty white of you.

Admit it, when SF downed that punt on the 1 you suddenly 'found Boston Market.'

Integri-who?

"I told y'all I'd be back up in herr." - Nelly

Doesn't Dante Hitler play for the 49ers?

"No {shrugs}. No squeeing. No puns."

epick taek

So does Mohel Tim.

"I saw, I conquered." - P. Manning

It did seem very sincere.

Welcome Back, Percy Harvin

So is masturbating, but you should still grab a jar of peanut butter and give ol' Mitzi a whistle every now and then, just for variety.

I know it's been a while since she had a hit, but you guys should show a little more concern for Sarah Jessica.

Do NOT besmirch the Sex Cannon! Sexy Rexy will rain fire down upon you. Well, not fire, but something...

As a left-handed hitter, it was always fortunate that Babe Ruth tended to 'point' towards the right field fence.

"And we get in trouble for tossing them snacks during games? - Italian soccer fans

So good. But your screen-name is... Toby!

Listen, if you and Brooklyn want to run an Eiffel Tower on Mitzi and pay her in Hershey bars, you do that thing.

On behalf of the Deadspin family, here's wishing you a very Steve McNair Valentine's Day!

Behold, a star for you!